The Birth Story - Part 2

After some time I was tired of all the movement and just wanted to lay down. Doula came over and lightly stroked my arm which was very annoying while in labor. I needed firm strong kneading hands. I told her to stop. The midwife came to check on me and said I was 8 cm and why don't I do a little pushing to see if that will get me to 9. It did but I didn't have an urge to push. However, she continued to command me to push and I tried even though I really didn't understand what I was doing. Call me weirdo but pushing like you're having a bowel movement is just hard to do if you're not sitting on a toilet. I just kept trying with Him, the doula, the midwife, and a nurse all around me. I had been pushing for a long time and I was tired. I was also wondering why my doula hadn't stopped the midwife and nurse from doing the you can do it, push, push, push cheer. I clearly remember telling her that I did not want that. 

I was scared, crying, naked, tired, and "pushing". By this time I had started a mantra of "I can't do it" to the midwife's "YOU HAVE TO DO IT!". I became very frustrated and out of control. It wasn't the pain. It was intense but still not unbearable. It was the commands and the people around me. My introverted self was having a reaction to all of the goings on around me and within me. I needed a break. I needed to go inward and just be alone but I couldn't say all that so I snapped. I shouted, kicked, slapped and broke free from the bed and went to the bathroom and sat on the toilet.

The nurse came in to soothe me. She closed the door and talked softly too me and got me to a place where I could go back to the bed. My ruckus brought in 2 other nurses to assist. Great. Exactly what I needed more people. My midwife left. I kicked her good and hard I'm sure she needed the break.

To be continued...